Living with Death without God (Valerie Jack)

OVERVIEW

I feel confident in saying Valerie Jack is the first author ever to interview dozens of other atheists about death and then compile their responses into a book. And what a gem of a book it is for non-religious readers! Living with Death without God includes stories from people who have been with dying people, who are dying, who are choosing MAID, who are living with life-limiting illnesses, who have lost parents, spouses, siblings, and children – people who have had miscarriages, people who have faced cancer, who have had loved ones die of Alzheimer’s, suicide, and old age. All of them, atheists.

Without the promise of happily ever after in any hereafter – without religion – how do atheists and agnostics cope with the hard facts of mortality?

Many atheists still wish they could believe in an afterlife, but many don’t. Most atheists are not plagued with questions of “why me?” and don’t wonder what we’re supposed to be “learning” from a terminal diagnosis or loved one’s death – if we’re being tested in some way. We understand that death is just a fact of life, and if we’ve managed to make it this far without any health issues or major grief, it’s because we’re lucky, not because we’re special or because God loves us best. Most of us don’t believe we’ll see our loved ones again after they die, or be reunited with them… death is the end, permanent. We deny that the death of a child or spouse or friend is part of any plan (if it is, it’s not a very good one). We have no belief in any pre-ordained/supernatural story that we belong to, but we are part of the bigger story of life, and life will endure. We understand how small, insignificant, and vulnerable we really are, that the cosmos doesn’t care about us, but that we can and must care about each other.

There are also many facets of an atheist’s confrontation with mortality that are universal. We, like everyone else, want to leave our mark on the world and are concerned with the legacy we leave behind. We want to be remembered; we want our impact and contributions to ripple out beyond our deaths. We are interested in the stories and themes we weave from the threads of our lives, we just don’t believe the pattern of the finished product is predetermined. When people we love die, we still look for ways to find them “living on” in the world – we want to hear stories about them and keep them alive in our memories. We may do illogical things in grief… like talk out loud to our loved ones. We may have rituals, mark important dates/anniversaries, or find comfort watching their favourite movies and cooking their favourite dishes. Many of us are still afraid of death; we grieve for the futures we’ll never experience, the world we will not see.

We’re comforted by many of the same things as believers. Contemplating the vastness of time and space or devoting ourselves to causes we care about inspires self-transcendence, which makes personal mortality feel less large. Giving and receiving love, building strong relationships, and having close community connections tempers the pain of personal loss. Finally, feeling and expressing gratitude for the chance to be a sentient being helps allay the fear of transiency, flips the perspective from anxiety to appreciation. Atheists, perhaps better than most, understand how lucky we are to be alive, how fragile life is, and recognize the responsibility we have to each other. Most of us want to leave the world a little better than we found it. All of us want to protect our loved ones from grief and loss.

Living with Death without God contains all this, and more. If you’re an atheist, agnostic, non-religious mortal, or sober skeptic, the stories in this book are for you.