When Words Are Not Enough (Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds)

OVERVIEW

In 2011, Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds’ son, Josh, was killed in a Vietnam traffic accident at the age of 22. In the wake of their grief, Jane and Jimmy have published books, directed films, given speaking engagements, and started a charity (The UK’s Good Grief project). Jane and Jimmy would tell you that grief is not something you ‘get over,’ not something you move past or fix. There is no ‘closure’ because grief is not a phase. Grief is more like a condition or state of being, something you move forward with, not on from; what has helped Jane and Jimmy move forward is creative expression. When Words Are Not Enough is gathered wisdom about grief, a collection of creative responses that have helped Jane, Jimmy, and other bereaved people know their pain better. These include painting, illustrating, and photography, writing letters, writing poetry, arranging flowers, boxing, running, and swimming.

Some creative responses like painting and photography help memorialize or provide outlets for emotions that are hard to express. Others, like writing, give form to the unthinkable, help process the unreality of a situation. Many bereaved parents in the book took up cold water swimming, describing it as a way to quiet the mind, connect with the elements, and bring oneself back into the body. Others talked about how diving into deep, dark water helped externalize internal feelings of the liminal, alien reality of grief, or connected them viscerally to the shock of survival. Many in the book found a similar feeling of connection to life and death while being in nature. Grief is trauma, and trauma can immobilize and dissociate. These creative, outward expressions of grief were instead stimulating and relational, a way to actively process the pain.

When someone we love dies, they leave a void. Jimmy and Jane say: “Our own understanding of grief is that almost by definition it is a creative process – one of doing and creating new things that fill the void left by a loved one’s absence. . .” Creative responses to grief are a way of sense-making, a way of digesting absurdity and coming to understand the warp and weft of a new reality. When Words Are Not Enough encourages you to explore these physical expressions, to be active in your grieving. None of this makes grief go away, but it does help to accustom us to it.  

“It’s not that life is any easier or that the pain of our loss is any less sharp, it’s just that I know that pain better and my grief is no longer such a hostile companion.”

IN SUM:

Is this book entirely secular? No.

If I had to describe the book in one sentence? Creative responses to grief.

Who should read this book? Those who are grieving, especially those whose children have died.